1 00:00:01,102 --> 00:00:01,235 . 2 00:00:05,239 --> 00:00:06,074 - It's like watching a mummy unwrap itself. 3 00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:10,111 - I mean, how long can this go on for, really? 4 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:13,447 - Oh, she'll--she'll get there. Oh, nope, nope, she's going 5 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,616 in the wrong direction now. - Come on, Myrtle. 6 00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,818 - Oh, this could take a while. 7 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:21,622 - Ugh, can we, like, get some coat hooks or something? 8 00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:24,192 - Well, before we do that, can we fix this drip? 9 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:25,626 Or, like, at least get a new bucket? 10 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:29,530 - Oh, I would love to fix that, but, no, corporate 11 00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:33,067 only gave us $15.00 for break room repairs, 12 00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,436 and we blew through that on the bat traps. 13 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,638 - Speaking of corporate, this memo just came through: 14 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,273 "This time of year, many of us suffer 15 00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,408 "from Seasonal Affective Disorder. 16 00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,576 Look out for the following symptoms of depression--" 17 00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,079 - Pfft! Who would get depressed here? 18 00:00:45,113 --> 00:00:46,280 - "Listlessness..." - Come on. 19 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:47,548 - "Irritability..." - You wish. 20 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,150 - "General discontent..." - No way. 21 00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,651 - "Apathy..." - Give me a break. 22 00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:53,587 - "Above all, remember Cloud 9 cares. 23 00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,390 "This memo clears parent company of any liability 24 00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:57,591 for employee suicide." 25 00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:00,194 - Hmm, Cloud 9 really does care. 26 00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:01,595 - Well, they did send a letter. 27 00:01:01,629 --> 00:01:04,598 [upbeat music] 28 00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,500 * 29 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,305 - Hey. - Oh, hey, Dina, what's up? 30 00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,207 - So are you just planning to avoid me 31 00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,542 until one of us quits, or--? 32 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:17,278 - No, no, no, no, it's just, you know, I've been busy. 33 00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:20,314 You know, different shifts, whatevers and etceteras. 34 00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:24,852 Look, Dina, the time we had together was special, 35 00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:27,421 but, as a child of divorce-- - Oh, believe me. 36 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,490 I have absolutely no interest in pursuing this. 37 00:01:29,523 --> 00:01:32,126 I mean, do you have any idea the kind of men I've had? 38 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,263 Sky diving instructors, hand models, 39 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,665 two of the original members of Fine Young Cannibals. 40 00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,700 Come on. - Okay, well, great. 41 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:42,670 So just a one time thing then. - Oh, yeah. 42 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:45,673 Just don't be weird, and things will be fine. 43 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:50,211 - Okay, I won't be weird, lady who has multiple birds. 44 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:57,285 * 45 00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:00,721 - Sandra's up. - All right, Sandra! 46 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,690 [cheers and applause] 47 00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,658 - Am I doing this right? - Yes, but pace yourself. 48 00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,294 - Okay. - I can't believe you guys 49 00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,196 do this every year. - Well, corporate tells us 50 00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:09,663 to clean out Lost and Found every January, 51 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:10,831 but they never tell us how. 52 00:02:10,864 --> 00:02:13,234 - We used to give it to charity, but then Goodwill told us 53 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,668 not to leave our trash on their loading dock. 54 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:16,404 - Hurry up, Sandra. It's not like 55 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:17,638 you're gonna find a man in there. 56 00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:20,274 - Please, hold on, last year I ended up with a broken comb. 57 00:02:20,308 --> 00:02:21,342 I just need one second. 58 00:02:21,375 --> 00:02:22,676 - Boo! Three, two, one. 59 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,678 - Ah! - And Sandra's got 60 00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:29,183 an old pair of dentures, yes! [applause] 61 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:31,385 - A lot of good stuff in there this year. 62 00:02:31,419 --> 00:02:34,688 - Oh, hey, uh, Tate, you're basically 63 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,324 a doctor, right? 64 00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:39,427 - Even better, I'm a pharmacist. Doctor to the doctors. 65 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:42,463 - Oh, close enough, anyway I-- - Do I regret not going 66 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:46,200 for the big M-D? Not usually, sometimes. 67 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:47,668 Yeah, when I'm laying in my tanning bed alone 68 00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:51,405 with my thoughts... sometimes. 69 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:55,609 - Hey, anyway, um, I wanted to ask you a question. 70 00:02:55,643 --> 00:02:57,278 - Sure. - Okay, I always thought 71 00:02:57,311 --> 00:02:59,347 depression was this thing that housewives invented 72 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,350 so they could take extra naps, but you don't think 73 00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,618 that people around here could have it, do you? 74 00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:06,287 - Well, there are lots of employees here 75 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,389 on antidepressants. - What? Who? 76 00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,491 - Glenn, you know I can't tell you that. 77 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,293 - Well, how many? 78 00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,661 - [clears throat] About 20. 79 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,530 13 women, 7 men. Now, I can't give you names, 80 00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:18,732 but it's mostly the uggos. 81 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,734 Doesn't really narrow it down. 82 00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:23,704 - You know, I do volunteer work at this children's ward, 83 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,707 and there's a guy who dresses up as a clown and goes around 84 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,642 cheering up the kids. 85 00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:29,810 Maybe that would work? 86 00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,745 They say laughter's the best medicine. 87 00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:33,981 - The best medicine is penicillin. 88 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,450 At least it used to be. With all these superbugs now, 89 00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:37,785 we might all be dead in ten years, 90 00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,621 so I guess laughter's as good as anything. 91 00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:41,622 - Okay. 92 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,590 - All right, ticktock, come on. 93 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,326 - I think I saw a stuffed giraffe in here, 94 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:48,296 and Harmonica loves giraffes, so, uh, ooh! 95 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:53,334 - And it's a wig. - Ooh, I can't give this to her. 96 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,736 She'll think I'm slamming her for being bald. 97 00:03:55,769 --> 00:03:59,006 - Ooh, oh, it's a VHS copy of "Murder, She Wrote," 98 00:03:59,039 --> 00:04:01,809 seasons three, episodes seven through nine. 99 00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:05,546 - Oh, God. Cargo shorts? 100 00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:09,783 - A journal. All right, what do we got here? 101 00:04:09,817 --> 00:04:10,684 A lot of boobs. 102 00:04:10,718 --> 00:04:13,487 - There you go girl, oh, yeah! [cheering] 103 00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,489 - Ooh. - Hey. 104 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:17,658 - Ooh. - Oh, a purse. 105 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,693 - Oh, look at this. - Ooh. 106 00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:20,761 [toy squeaking] - You could swap. 107 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:24,365 - There's a squeaker in it, too. How cute is that? 108 00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,667 - Ooh. - Why? 109 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:29,803 - Ahh, there it is. My birds love these. 110 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,807 - Okay. Wow, that actually looks really nice. 111 00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:37,611 - Someone left that here? - Ooh, this kind of works on me. 112 00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,747 - Yeah, it's great, if you wanna wear a man's jacket 113 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,782 and look like a man. Hey, everyone, look at that man 114 00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:44,552 wearing that man's jacket. Get used to it 'cause 115 00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:45,686 you're gonna hear it a lot. 116 00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:48,622 - Hey, Mateo, would you like to swap this leather jacket 117 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,824 for your cargo shorts? - What? No. 118 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:52,526 Are you sure? 'Cause I don't care. 119 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,595 But, you know, if-- if you want, I mean, yeah. 120 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,829 - If you're gonna be... - Thank you so much. 121 00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,331 - A little bitch about it. 122 00:04:57,365 --> 00:05:00,668 Okay, who's next? 123 00:05:00,701 --> 00:05:05,439 - * I'm not leaving now, honey, not a chance * 124 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,475 ["Kids In America" by Kim Wilde] 125 00:05:07,508 --> 00:05:10,444 * Hot-shot, give me no problems * 126 00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:11,679 * Much later... 127 00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:14,548 - Hey, Cheyenne. 128 00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,917 How you doing? 129 00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,420 - Just a little down, you know, some days 130 00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:22,556 you get the giraffe, and other days you get the wig. 131 00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:24,792 - That's so true. 132 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:29,397 But hey, what is your favorite animal, hmm? 133 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:32,933 - Ooh, a peacock. 134 00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:34,368 - A peacock. 135 00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,837 Okay, that's-- that's ambitious. 136 00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:39,440 I know how to do a dog, so... 137 00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:41,875 - Okay, dog. - No, no, you said peacock. 138 00:05:41,909 --> 00:05:43,844 One peacock, coming up. 139 00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,746 [balloon snaps] - [screams] Ow! 140 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,881 My eye! Ow, ow, ow! - Oh, oh, no, no, I did-- 141 00:05:47,915 --> 00:05:50,384 - Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 142 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:54,722 - Hey, Janet. What's your favorite animal? 143 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:57,725 - A clownfish... - Okay. 144 00:05:57,758 --> 00:05:59,793 - Riding a bicycle. 145 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,733 - Hey, Dina, uh, I can't work on Thursday, 146 00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:06,900 but Brett said he'd cover for me, 147 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:07,868 so could you change the schedule? 148 00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:12,406 - Oh, boy, here we go. Cue Garrett being weird. 149 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,808 - What? No, I'm just-- I can't work on Thursday, so-- 150 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,778 - Do you even hear yourself right now? 151 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:18,846 Wow. 152 00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:23,751 - No, you were supposed to cancel dinner with your parents. 153 00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:27,154 No, Adam, I can't keep doing everything for you. 154 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,989 No, I'm not yelling, I am whispering. 155 00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,824 Okay, you know what? I can't talk about this 156 00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:33,894 right now, I'm at work. Good-bye. 157 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:37,164 - Amy, I have an important question. 158 00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,732 Might I borrow these this weekend? 159 00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:39,933 I'm attending the opera. 160 00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:43,203 - Um, yes, all you need now is a T-shirt 161 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,839 with Bugs Bunny dressed like a cholo, and you're ready to go. 162 00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,641 - [laughs] Oh, you know what? 163 00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,811 I think you left some stuff in your pockets. 164 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:54,648 Yeah, here we go. Here is your old end of a joint. 165 00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:55,883 Enjoy. - Yes, I've been 166 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:57,551 looking for that. - Here's your half-filled 167 00:06:57,585 --> 00:06:59,720 tin of dip, didn't know you were a dipper. 168 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,855 - Yeah, don't even talk to me before I dip. 169 00:07:01,889 --> 00:07:05,025 - Fliers for sexy escorts. - Gross. 170 00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:08,629 - This one says, "Carerra is gymnast." 171 00:07:08,662 --> 00:07:12,533 So you might wanna keep her at the top of the pile. 172 00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:18,238 An old receipt, and, uh, here is your... 173 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,674 giant wad of cash. 174 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:27,314 - Oh, yeah. 175 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,585 I'm the bad boy of my friend group. 176 00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,855 - Silly string attack! - No, what are you doing? 177 00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:37,257 - What? - This stuff stains. 178 00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,026 - I'm so sorry. 179 00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,895 I was just trying to brighten your day. 180 00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:44,965 Here. 181 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:50,671 I forgot it was gonna do that. 182 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:53,974 - $906. - Somewhere in St. Louis, 183 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,977 there's an overweight stoner who can't pay his escort. 184 00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,712 What are you gonna do with it? 185 00:07:58,746 --> 00:08:00,614 - I don't know, I mean, I guess I'll pay some bills... 186 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:01,882 - Mm-hmm. - And then my sister needs 187 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,251 a new windshield, and my mom's crisper drawer 188 00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:07,755 in her fridge is broken, so-- - [snores] 189 00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:10,290 So sorry, I-I get that your mother's fridge 190 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:14,061 is super exciting, but I meant what are you gonna do for you? 191 00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,729 - I don't need anything. 192 00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,030 - No, it's not about need. This is not about need. 193 00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,032 This is free money. This is your chance 194 00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,934 to get you something. So I want you 195 00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,003 to close your eyes--do it-- and I'm gonna 196 00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,938 ask you a question, and I want you to say 197 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,907 the first thing that pops into your mind. 198 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,742 Stop laughing. Take this seriously, okay? 199 00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:29,810 - Okay, I'm sorry, I just keep having 200 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,979 this mental image of you doing that cliché where you 201 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,847 get me to magically discover the one thing I never knew 202 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:35,315 I wanted--so dumb. Okay, my mind's clear. 203 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,017 - Well, now you ruined it, so you're never gonna know 204 00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,018 what you want. 205 00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:41,789 - Okay, look, if I were gonna splurge on myself, 206 00:08:41,822 --> 00:08:44,592 there is this really fancy spa that I drive by every day 207 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:46,894 on my way to work, and I have imagined 208 00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:48,562 what it would be like to, like, go in there 209 00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:50,030 and be like, do it up. 210 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:51,665 - Yes! You be selfish. 211 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:54,001 This is your moment. - Yeah, I'm going to. 212 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:56,770 - Good, I'm glad I could help. - You didn't really 213 00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:59,039 do that much, but... - Anytime. 214 00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,909 - Okay. 215 00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,711 [ragtime music plays] 216 00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:05,646 - Huh? Come on, huh? 217 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,881 - I guess it's starting to work. 218 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,650 Maybe if you go a little faster? 219 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,953 - Yeah, I can go faster, sure. 220 00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,788 - Yeah, the fog's definitely lifting now. 221 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,657 - Oh, good! Good, good. 222 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,125 Whew! Sorry, 'cause... [music stops] 223 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,027 I need to take a little break. 224 00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:23,997 - Oh, yeah, fine, just stop. Just make it all stop. 225 00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,133 - No, no, no, no, no, I-I'll keep going. 226 00:09:26,166 --> 00:09:28,802 Here we go, okay. Ahh, having a good time. 227 00:09:28,836 --> 00:09:31,171 [ragtime music continues] 228 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,941 - Stop smiling at me. - I'm not smiling at you. 229 00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:35,809 - Oh, grow up. 230 00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:38,078 * 231 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,081 - Come on, I'm going faster, see? 232 00:09:41,114 --> 00:09:42,049 Fast as I can. 233 00:09:44,985 --> 00:09:47,020 - Hey, come here and check it out. 234 00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:50,891 Salt scrub, essential oils, deep tissue rub-down. 235 00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:53,661 For 900 bucks, they basically treat you like a brisket. 236 00:09:53,694 --> 00:09:57,164 - For 900 bucks minus the 80 or so I may have given 237 00:09:57,197 --> 00:10:01,001 to Cheyenne for diapers. - You suck at being selfish. 238 00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,971 - Look, $820.00 is plenty to have a nice day at the spa. 239 00:10:04,004 --> 00:10:05,973 And every single penny of that money 240 00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,041 is going to this girl. 241 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:11,111 - Amy found $900.00! What should we all do with it? 242 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,212 [all exclaiming] 243 00:10:12,245 --> 00:10:14,715 - In retrospect, perhaps I shouldn't have told her 244 00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,884 how much we found. 245 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:19,086 - You should've just fixed your mom's crisper. 246 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,153 [overlapping chatter] - I don't remember. 247 00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,996 - [high-pitched voice] Hey! No monkey business at work. 248 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,698 [normal voice] Yeah, you have to tell me 249 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:32,966 if you're smiling. - I'm not. 250 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,068 - [high-pitched voice] Well, I bet I can cheer you up, 251 00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:37,871 or I'm a monkey's uncle. 252 00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:40,040 - Oh, well, I guess the thing that's 253 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,975 really concerning me is my boss. 254 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:43,076 He's got a lot of problems. 255 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,013 - What? That's bananas. 256 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,048 - Yeah, uh, actually, none of his employees 257 00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,950 respect him, retail's dying, 258 00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:52,820 yet he works at a crap store, he tried to be a deacon 259 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:56,790 at his church like five times, but they just don't want him. 260 00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,759 Oh, and for the record, that whole banana thing? 261 00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:01,028 That's actually a myth. Yeah, most monkeys live and die 262 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,896 without ever having seen a banana. 263 00:11:02,930 --> 00:11:05,933 Their lives are short, violent, and horrifying. 264 00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,204 - Dina? 265 00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:14,975 Are you there? 266 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,477 - Well, I would return the money if I knew whose it was, 267 00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:18,545 but there was no ID. 268 00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:21,048 - Although we did find weed, dip, porn, and a receipt 269 00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:22,983 for an Arizona iced tea, so we know it's 270 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,085 somebody with class. - Was the iced tea 271 00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,921 raspberry or regular? - Does it matter, Sandra? 272 00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,190 - No. Sorry. 273 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,193 - So do we all just split the money? 274 00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,162 - Well-- - Yo, I say we take this money 275 00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:38,065 to the track, double it, then double it again, 276 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,267 double it again, then lose it. 277 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,469 - Guys, guys, hold on just a second. 278 00:11:42,502 --> 00:11:45,205 So Amy found the money, and Amy's always wanted 279 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:47,174 to get a massage at this day spa. 280 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,943 - So we're all just gonna go get massages? 281 00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:51,845 - That's-- - He's got a point though. 282 00:11:51,879 --> 00:11:54,081 We should treat ourselves to something nice. 283 00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:55,248 - No. - Well, since Amy grifted me, 284 00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:58,085 can we at least use some of the money to buy coat hooks? 285 00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,788 - Oh, and some lamps because these fluorescent lights 286 00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:02,790 got people looking like Tilda Swinton. 287 00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:05,158 - Ooh, and Amy, you can finally get your bucket. 288 00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:07,094 - But, guys, these are-- there are all great ideas, 289 00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:11,031 but, um, Amy found the money, so maybe Amy should be able 290 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,300 to do with it as she pleases. 291 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:19,139 - Right, and, um, what I wanna do with it is... 292 00:12:22,943 --> 00:12:25,078 Fix up the break room. [all cheering] 293 00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:28,181 - Yo, this is gonna be dope. We're gonna get all these lamps. 294 00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:31,051 - What? I get a new bucket. 295 00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:38,125 - Hey, look, I just wanted to clarify about earlier 296 00:12:40,828 --> 00:12:42,930 when I was smiling, that I wasn't. 297 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:47,134 I mean, I wasn't smiling at you. See, I was pretending to smile 298 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,803 because Glenn is, like, trying to make people happy, 299 00:12:49,837 --> 00:12:51,004 and, like, was doing, so I was-- 300 00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:54,541 Look, point is, I wasn't being weird. 301 00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:57,811 - Right, okay, so you accidentally smiled at me, 302 00:12:57,845 --> 00:12:59,512 then let your neuroses build up to the point that you 303 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,949 had to track me down in the dressing rooms 304 00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:05,085 to explain it away... like a normal person. 305 00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,320 - Oh, no, I just-- what--what I was doing-- 306 00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:10,123 - Is this your first time? Is that what this is about? 307 00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:11,191 - No-- - Listen, it's nothing 308 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,060 to be ashamed of, okay? 309 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,162 You're actually the third v-card I've taken. 310 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:16,897 And don't you go falling in love with me. 311 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:17,998 [laughs] 312 00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,199 - What? 313 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:25,505 - Ooh, a panini press! We could have hot sandwiches. 314 00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,541 - Uh, okay, yeah. Put it in the cart. 315 00:13:28,575 --> 00:13:30,210 What? I love hot sandwiches. 316 00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,879 Ask anybody. - I just thought 317 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:34,247 that the rest of the money was gonna go to this gal. 318 00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:36,984 - It is because what makes me happy 319 00:13:37,017 --> 00:13:38,551 is seeing other people be happy. 320 00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,854 - Oh, really? Great, because I would be 321 00:13:40,888 --> 00:13:45,893 so happy if I had a psychedelic lava lamp. 322 00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:46,726 - Then you should have it. 323 00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:49,129 - Great, that's-- okay, thank you. 324 00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:50,330 You know what? This is gonna look 325 00:13:50,363 --> 00:13:56,169 really nice with my brand-new framed photo of Ronald Regan. 326 00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,337 - That too. 327 00:13:57,370 --> 00:14:02,109 - Fantastic, do we sell above-ground pools? 328 00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:05,112 [upbeat music] 329 00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:09,149 * 330 00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:12,252 - Uh, hey, don't get up. Uh, are you the one 331 00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,621 I'm supposed to talk to about changing the water cooler 332 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:16,156 in the pharmacy? - Nah, man. 333 00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:20,894 - Oh, I'd do it myself, but not waterproof. 334 00:14:20,928 --> 00:14:22,329 It's heavy though, you wanna try it on? 335 00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,031 - Nah, I'm cool. - [laughs] 336 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:26,033 Don't be shy. My other one's better, 337 00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,367 of course. Wouldn't wear it here. 338 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,237 Way too expensive. - What it do, Pikachu? 339 00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:35,075 - Ugh. 340 00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:40,113 - Well, that was weird. - No, it wasn't weird. 341 00:14:40,147 --> 00:14:42,049 It was completely normal. 342 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:45,352 Everything--I'm chill, man. 343 00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,519 - Okay. 344 00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:53,026 - Hey, excuse me, uh, my son is taking dishes off the shelves 345 00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,227 and smashing them on the floor. 346 00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:56,196 Can you, uh, stop him? 347 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,431 I don't want him to think of me as a bad guy. 348 00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:01,301 - Um, let me find someone to help you with that. 349 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,207 Where is everybody? 350 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,210 [soothing music] 351 00:15:10,243 --> 00:15:14,214 * 352 00:15:14,247 --> 00:15:16,950 [drill whirring] 353 00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:20,387 - This is the best day of my life. 354 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,222 - You just had a baby. 355 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,095 - What ya doing there, buddy? 356 00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,162 Hi. 357 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,036 Oh, you're--oh, okay, uh, here, hand me one. 358 00:15:36,069 --> 00:15:39,239 I got ya, I got ya. Thanks--ooh! 359 00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,274 [grunting] 360 00:15:41,308 --> 00:15:44,344 This is real heavy. 361 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,249 You going somewhere? 362 00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:53,686 Oh, you're taking the stairs. Uh, I'm gonna take the elevator. 363 00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,225 - Mommy, look! 364 00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:00,193 - I know, he's taking the elevator. 365 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:02,095 - No, he's just bending his knees. 366 00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,131 Come on. - Hey. 367 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,765 - Anyone could tell that's what he was doing. 368 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,200 - Cranky mime. 369 00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:10,270 [plates shattering] 370 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:15,108 - Ooh, that's nice. 371 00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:18,211 Oh, hey, Tate, can I get a turn on that? 372 00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,080 - There's a sign-up sheet. 373 00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:23,050 - Oh, it looks like you've signed yourself up 374 00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:24,284 for the rest of the day. 375 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,153 - Well, there's no rule against it. 376 00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:29,422 I'm not gonna apologize for taking advantage of a loophole. 377 00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,223 Makes me smart. 378 00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:32,359 - Tate, get your ass out of my chair. 379 00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,394 - What? It's all of our chair. 380 00:16:34,427 --> 00:16:36,529 - No, actually, I bought the chair 381 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:39,732 with the money I found because I wanted everybody 382 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:42,735 to be happy, including me. So get out of my chair 383 00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:45,405 before I pull you out by your greasy, little hair plugs. 384 00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:48,408 - All right, all right, I'm getting up, you psycho. 385 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,177 - Thank you. 386 00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,079 - And threatening a pharmacist, by the way? 387 00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:54,181 That's a felony. Probably. 388 00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:58,185 - Oh, this is so nice. 389 00:16:58,218 --> 00:16:59,519 I'm relaxing now. 390 00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,188 - I see that. 391 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:02,722 - Guess what. I found the guy 392 00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:04,291 who lost the $900. 393 00:17:04,324 --> 00:17:05,292 - [groans] 394 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:08,261 [all grumbling] 395 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:10,863 . 396 00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:12,432 - So I read the date of the receipt 397 00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:15,368 for the Arizona iced tea and remembered 398 00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:16,569 that I had sold it seven months ago. 399 00:17:16,603 --> 00:17:18,538 - Right, 'cause you have that awesome memory 400 00:17:18,571 --> 00:17:19,606 where you don't forget anything. 401 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:22,575 - I have highly superior autobiographical memory, 402 00:17:22,609 --> 00:17:24,311 like Marilu Henner. - Oh. 403 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:25,678 - Anyway, I remembered selling the same man a pack 404 00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,115 of tube socks back on March 29th, so I searched 405 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:30,650 the loyalty card database and there he was. 406 00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:32,352 Stuart Mitchell. 407 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,855 - Thank you so much for calling me. 408 00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,758 I work with my church counseling at-risk youth, 409 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,693 and this was the money I'd gotten together 410 00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,595 to organize a field trip to Peru. 411 00:17:42,629 --> 00:17:44,864 - I'm sorry, I just think it's a little suspicious 412 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:46,833 that you have this perfect excuse planned out 413 00:17:46,866 --> 00:17:49,536 for why you needed the money, and it just so happens 414 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,471 to make you look like a nice guy. 415 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:52,639 - Yeah, if the shorts are really yours, 416 00:17:52,672 --> 00:17:54,441 what else was in the pockets? 417 00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,610 - Oh, um, I think that day I'd taken away 418 00:17:57,644 --> 00:17:59,446 a bit of a joint from one kid, 419 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,714 and some dirty pictures from another one. 420 00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,616 - Nice. - Then why don't you explain 421 00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:06,653 the dip, huh? What about the dip? 422 00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,688 - I use dip. 423 00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:11,624 - That checks out. - [sighs] 424 00:18:11,658 --> 00:18:14,727 - It's a good try. - Thank you. 425 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:15,595 - Can I just say? 426 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:18,698 You guys have a really nice break room. 427 00:18:18,731 --> 00:18:20,733 - We did. - Sure did. 428 00:18:28,408 --> 00:18:32,379 - I know this is a weird time, but my birthday's on Friday, 429 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:33,913 and it's gonna be at Dave and Buster's. 430 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,649 [scattered groans] 431 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:38,885 I'll just email you the details. 432 00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,861 - Hey. - Hey. 433 00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,630 - What's wrong? - Nothin', I'm cool. 434 00:18:50,663 --> 00:18:53,633 Just chillin'. - So weird. 435 00:18:55,502 --> 00:18:56,669 - You're the weird one! 436 00:18:56,703 --> 00:18:58,638 You're so weird that nobody even can tell 437 00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:00,873 how weird you really are 'cause you make weird normal! 438 00:19:00,907 --> 00:19:02,909 If there was a day that you acted normal, 439 00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,577 now that would be weird, right? 440 00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,679 Right? Oh, oh, okay. 441 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:07,714 I'm the crazy one? 442 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,650 Maybe so. I am yelling in public, 443 00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,685 which is not something I normally do, 444 00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:16,456 completely out of character, possibly a little crazy! 445 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,559 Can I help you, Turtleneck? You need some help? 446 00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,262 Now, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my car 447 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,631 listening to yacht rock and eating two Take 5s 448 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,966 to calm myself down! 449 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,202 Whoo! 450 00:19:31,838 --> 00:19:33,706 [scanner beeping] 451 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:38,611 [bells tinkling] - [playing accordion] 452 00:19:42,282 --> 00:19:45,485 You know, some days you get the giraffe, 453 00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,754 some days you get the wig. 454 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:48,788 - I'm sorry? 455 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,723 - It's an expression. 456 00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:51,758 You haven't heard that? 457 00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:54,761 Okay. 458 00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:59,699 I mean, I did everything I could. 459 00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:03,836 Just some people just don't want to be cheered up. 460 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:05,905 Maybe it's just the time of year. 461 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:15,648 - Adam's sleeping in the basement. 462 00:20:15,682 --> 00:20:16,749 Yeah. 463 00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:19,886 I told him I wasn't happy. 464 00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,489 I don't know what I expected him to say, 465 00:20:22,522 --> 00:20:24,757 but he said, "I'm not happy either," 466 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:28,027 which is definitely not what I expected him to say. 467 00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,764 And, so, we talked about it, and then we yelled about it, 468 00:20:31,798 --> 00:20:34,934 and then we just stopped talking. 469 00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:37,036 And now it's all weird and tense 470 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:41,574 and Emma's all upset and it's just--it's miserable. 471 00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:46,779 [scanner beeps] - Amy, I am so sorry. 472 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,783 [bells tinkling] 473 00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:52,319 Do you want a balloon animal? 474 00:20:52,352 --> 00:20:56,055 - [chuckles] No, thank you. 475 00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,057 It is kind of nice to talk about it though. 476 00:20:58,090 --> 00:21:00,860 - Well, talk away. 477 00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:04,731 [pats hand on box] 478 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:07,934 - [laughs] 479 00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:09,302 Okay. 480 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,773 [horn honks] [laughs] 481 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:17,577 [both sigh] 482 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:19,812 - Yeah. - Yeah. 483 00:21:19,846 --> 00:21:21,714 I don't even know where to start.